Of Hookers, Bars And Prision Cells
by GleeGeneration23
Summary: In which Finn steals Cain's car keys to look for Ross in Leeds and Pete inevitably comes along for the ride-when they find Ross he's in a bar and not a second goes by before the three Barton Boys are suddenly arrested for prostitution and hauled to the nearest police station and forced to spend the night together-plenty of brotherly bonding and sarcasm, Please read and review


**Hi Everyone I have another Emmerdale Oneshot posted! I got this idea from a tumblr post I read somewhere so I hope it's alright-this is also the longest Emmerdale Oneshot I have ever written! **

**I have two more stories planed around the Emmerdale Fandom both multi-stories and both to give you a fair warning will include major Ross whump! I am finishing all my other deadlines first and then I will post these stories x **

**I would like to thank everyone who has read the Emmerdale stories I have written so far-I love the Barton's the new family are incredibly complex and I honestly cant wait until they bring in Emma-this is with a slight bit more humour and sarcasm than I normally write so please let me know what you thought.**

**Disclaimer-I own nothing but this oneshot filled with brotherly bonding and sarcasm.**

**And please let me know what you thought.**

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><p><span>Of Hookers, Bars and Prison Cells.<span>

Finn wants to look for Ross in Leeds and drags Pete along. Once they find Ross in a bar they are all shocked when they realise that the bar is being raided and suddenly the three Barton Boys are arrested on the suspicion of prostitution.

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><p>When Finn bangs on Debbie's door at eight-thirty on a Saturday Pete knows what he wants isn't going to be good. Debbie had taken the kids (Noah, Sarah and Jack) out to the pub to have dinner with Cain and Pete didn't want to intrude on 'Grumpy's Time' as Sarah called it.<p>

Finn's there when he opens the door his eyes wide and for one moment Pete wonders if his brother is high. "I'm going to Leeds to find Ross" is all he says and before Pete can blink his brother is down the path and into what looks like Cain's BMW.

"Hang on" he shouts sprinting down the path "What do you mean you're going to look…how do you even know…how the hell did you get Cain's car keys?" he asked the words jumbled up in the hurry it took to chase his brother down.

Finn scoffed "I grew up around you and Ross" he said irritably "Do you really think I didn't learn how to steal and hotwire a car" Pete blinked before grinning.

"How do you know he's in Leeds?" he asked focusing on the mood point. "He text me to tell me he was in Leeds and to tell dad to-and I quote-stop ringing every five seconds I am bloody well fine and you know if I wasn't" Finn said and Pete closed his eyes at the rush of exasperation he felt for his brother and his complete lack of tact.

"So your gonna go and look for him in Leeds?" Pete asked irritably "You get how big Leeds is don't you?" again Finn sighed "Have you heard of GPS on phones?" he asked irritably "I doubt Ross even knows his has one let alone how to switch it off"

"Oh" Pete said feeling rather stupid "But why are you telling me this?" Finn scoffed irritably "Oh don't worry Pete I don't expect anything from you, I get where Ross is on your scale of importance, I just told you so dad didn't wake up and found both me and Ross gone"

Pete gaped at him feeling rather hurt "You and Ross are number one on my scale of importance squirt" he said feeling rather wounded at Finn's scoffing noise.

Granted he and Ross didn't have the easiest going relationship but Pete still cared about him, still loved him and still wanted to protect him as best he could. Ross was still his little brother after all not even his destructive influence (and Ross was like a hurricane when he wanted to be) could stop that fact.

"Move over" he said already feeling the urge to find his brother and either punch him or hug him "I'll drive us"

When they arrived in Leeds, Finn checked the red dot on his phone that signalled where Ross was and grinned "He's in a pub by the name of The Brock" he paused "Who the hell would call their pub The Brock?" he asked to himself and Pete smiled to himself again.

When they got there, the pub was filled with people mostly men covered in eye liner and women in scantily-clad clothes. "Well this place just screams Ross" Pete said irritably and Finn craned his head "Pete" he said grinning suddenly "He's over by the corner" he said practically jumping up and down in his excitement.

And there by the corner of the bar looking considerably thinner and tired nursing what looked like a vodka (and that was strange in itself because Ross hated the taste of Vodka) was Ross

"Ross" Finn said jumping behind his elder brother looking thrilled and Ross jumped at the sound of his younger brother's voice and then choked on his vodka when he saw his big brother standing behind him.

And all of a sudden Pete felt the overwhelming need to hug his little brother and tell him it was going to be alright as he saw the exhaustion that was in his eyes. "Hey kid" he said smiling at Ross that same smile he used to when Ross came into his bed clutching his teddy claiming he had a nightmare and needing his big brother to protect him.

"What the hell?" Ross demanded turning to stare before he got an armful of Finn "Jesus kiddo" he said catching Pete's eye before wrapping an arm around his brother's waist.

"Relax Finn I'm ok, I didn't think that you would come all the way down here"

"Idiot" Pete said shaking his head "We were worried you had become a ghost again"

Ross shook his head "I wanted to clear my head, and anyway" he said suddenly suspicious turning to his older brother "The last time we had a conversation it didn't end well" he said bitterly and Pete winced. "You kissed my girlfriend" he said and Ross snarled slightly "You mocked the dead" he snapped.

"Ah testosterone" Finn said smiling bitterly "It really has been like we have never had a moment apart"

As if well practised both Ross and Pete ignored him.

"We were worried Ross" Pete said softly and Ross scoffed "Hell Finn even lifted Cain's car keys to get here"

Ross gaped at Finn in three parts shock one part amusement and Finn grinned "So now it seems none of us are perfect" he grinned and Ross laughed for the first genuine time in months. Even Pete found a grin springing to his face.

For one perfect moment it seemed like they were at the farm (the old farm-the real farm-their home) again and all would be ok.

And naturally because the three of them could never really obtain a shred of happiness when they were together it all went to complete and utter shit.

Because all of a sudden there was a loud bang and Pete jumped one hand gripping Finn's shoulder and the other Ross's wrist. It was the one thing that was screaming out of nearly every instinct-protect your brothers.

However something heavy slammed into him and Pete barely had time to recognise what looked like a coppers uniform before his arm was twisted roughly behind his back and forced face flat onto the table. There was a groan as he realised it had happened to Ross and Finn who seemed too scared to speak.

Dimly over the noise he heard a voice in the front of his ear "I am arresting you under the suspicion of illegal prostitution"

Ross spluttered somewhere to Pete's left and shouted something sounding suspiciously like "I am not a prostitute, I can't speak for these two"

Pete would have kicked him if he could actually move any part of his aching body.

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><p>By the time they had suffered the undignified trip to the local police station Pete was set to commit murder-naturally of all the bars that they had to find Ross in it would have to be the one raided by police for it's influx of underage male prostitutes.<p>

"Seriously" Pete said later when they were safe and sound the three of them in one prison cell "Do the three of us look like prostitutes" he looked down at himself and then his brothers-all three of them were dressed in jeans and jumpers "Wrong place, wrong time Pete" Ross quipped from the corner of the room where he had hoped onto the top bunk.

"How long are we gonna stay here?" Finn asked leaning against the far wall and Ross shrugged "Probably the night I'd imagine" he said cheerfully, "Chances are they'll let us go once they'll realise that were really not prostitutes"

Finn nodded taking a deep breath "Who wants to tell dad?" he said finally and both he and Ross shared a look before turning to Pete.

"I hate you both" Pete muttered.

When he eventually gained control of a phone it was nearing three A.M. apparently the police were either slow, board or just interested in torturing Pete with slow and long waits and Pete thought that this was another reason why he had never really held the police department in much esteem.

"Who is this?" came the irritated and sleep riddled voice of his father over the phone sounding annoyed. Well Pete thought at least he hadn't interrupted him and Chas-the mental scaring would have been enough to have him in therapy till he was thirty.

"Hey dad" he said in a voice of forced cheer "How are you?" there was a long pause "Pete why the hell are you ringing me at three in the morning?"

"Well I'm in Leeds with Finn and Ross" Pete said planning to cut straight to the chase "You Finn had this brilliant plan to hack Ross phone GPS and find him after lifting Cain's car keys and we found him in a bar and now were in prison"

"Did you all rob the bar?" his dad asked in a tone that indicated he wasn't surprised he was getting this phone call-which Pete thought was considerably unfair.

"No-they think we are all prostitutes" Pete said bracing himself for what he knew was about to happen.

There was a loud thud as something dropped in the background and when his dad came back on the phone his voice was a lot sharper "Do you mean to tell me that you and your two brothers have been arrested in Leeds for being prostitutes"

"Yeah" Pete drawled rubbing his face tiredly "I see" came the reply "Is there something you and your brothers need to talk to me about-I generally let you do what you want however if this is true and I find out when I get down there in the morning, I swear to god I will kill the three of you. I mean it Pete none of my boys are becoming prostitutes."

"Dad" Pete said cutting off his father 'my boys-nothing will happen to them' speech crap he gets into when something inevitably does happens to the three of them. "Do the three of us look like prostitutes?"

"No" his dad said cautiously "But then I never really thought Finn looked all that gay until I found what was on his laptop so I don't really want to judge"

Pete stared at the phone pulling it away from his ear and wondered briefly if his father had raised the same Finn-he and Ross had grown up with because once Finn had hit puberty it had been fairly obvious where his interests had been, before he realised what his dad had said.

"Wait what do you mean the morning?" he demanded "Aren't you in the car right now"

"No" came the reply "I am in bed, I'll drop by in the morning if you need me but I highly doubt you won't need me to hold your hand when you make bail, in fact you can probably drive your self's back in Cain's stolen car"

"Dad" Pete hissed feeling irritable and exasperated "You can't leave me with Ross and Finn in a prison cell"

"Pete" his dad said sighing "You are in Leeds, you are in prison, and you are apparently all running a side-line of prostitution that you didn't bother to tell me about, not to mention you have stolen Cain's car which is really going to put me in Cain's good books, so I reckon you can wait for a couple of hours until eight-I can get five more hours sleep, and you can drive back to Emmerdale and one day I promise you, either me or you will laugh at this one day"

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><p>Ross sat up when Pete staggered in looking furious "He's not coming to pick us up is he?" he said and Pete shot him a withering look "What do you think?" he said and Ross snorted "You shouldn't have rang him when he was asleep" he muttered "It makes him a lot more irritable"<p>

"At least he wasn't doing anything with Chas" Finn said and Ross snorted "Finn its three A.M and neither dad or Chas are exactly teenagers I doubt either one of them has the stamina to do anything past midnight"

Pete scoffed climbing onto the bunk opposite "We are stuck here all night" he said "So get on a bed Finn you may as well get comfortable"

Once all three of them were situated on beds they sat in mostly silence before Finn spoke up in a clear effort to deflate the tension "When I said I wanted to bring you back I didn't think that this would happen"

"Who said I was going back to Emmerdale?" Ross asked his face twisting at the mention of the place and Finn stiffened looking down at his lap "Is this about Donna?" Pete asked already knowing the answer. "You don't have to put your life on hold because of her you know" he said and Ross scoffed "Yes" he said witheringly "Especially as she was just using me and therefore I hardly even knew her"

Pete sighed "Look" he said sighing "I said I was sorry-it was probably a bit harsh" even Finn shot him a look at that one "But come on Ross you know what dad's like when you do a disappearing act"

Ross's head shot up so fast he was surprised he never got whiplash "Dad wanted me to go" he said hugging the thin prison blanket around himself "He paid for me to leave Emmerdale because I was making Aaron uncomfortable-so before you start preaching about dad remember that he wanted me gone because Cain asked him, because our Aunt and his girlfriend didn't want me and he'd rather me gone than lose out"

There was a long pause before Pete let out a whoosh of air. When they inevitably got out of here he and their dad were gonna have a long talk.

"Please come back Ross" Finn said crawling over to where Ross was sitting so their legs were knocking together.

"And then what" Ross said "Wait till the next time I create problems with someone else dad likes and he wants to create problems with me? Wait till I find someone else who I let in and have them die? Wait till another one of you ends up in hospital and you all blame me? Or what? Have you all look at me like I'm useless? Have you all secretly laugh at me and wonder when I developed feelings?"

He shrugged "We both know this family is better off without me" before he had even finished however Finn had thrown himself at him "No it's not Ross" he said hugging him tightly "Squirt's right kid" Pete said deflecting back to the nicknames that he had used when the boys were all little and it had been the three of them against the world. He sighed and leaned forwards his hands in his lap

"Look don't worry about Aaron or Cain or even Moira I can handle them" he said catching Ross's eye before an idea came into his head "You know Adam's in prison and Andy and Katie are selling the house, the new guy up at Home Farm is offering the place at a lower rent than I think Is legal. We could all move into the house if we chip our money in-to be honest this whole with Debbie is running at breakneck speed-besides someone has to look after you to it's a 24/7 job I know"

Ross grinned "Adam?" he asked and Pete laughed for once feeling evil. "Fuck him" he said bluntly "Mother Moira will have him back on Walton's Mountain's before we can blink and I do have to admit I have had enough of being told to develop some shame by a woman who ruined our family."

Ross blinked "Wow I didn't think you felt that way" he said slowly and Finn cracked a smile and Pete smirked "I've had a long time to think Ross, no matter what happens you and Finn are **my **brothers regardless, Adam was right, John was his dad and you are my brothers regardless of a one night stand twenty three years ago"

"Jesus Pete don't strain yourself" Ross said quirking a grin and Pete laughed "Shut up" he muttered. "I only have so much patience to deal with the both of you for each day and I'm pretty sure that this situation is sapping up my will to live"

And Ross refused to smile as he turned around. Or at least where his brothers could see it.

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><p>When they eventually staggered out the next morning it was to Cain's car (still miraculously) in one place. "Thank God" Finn moaned sinking into the seats carrying the coffee they had all bought from the Starbucks they had passed he took a long slurp of his mocha frappe and used the straw to the whipped cream.<p>

Pete rolled his eyes taking a long draft of his latte-the nice woman at the till had taken one look at him and dumped an extra shot in and he could feeling the kinks in his back-he had forgotten what prison beds felt like and exchanged a look with Ross who was drinking his black coffee like water.

"I think we need to get home" Pete said stretching in the front seat as Finn leaped into the back. He stared at Ross who was stood on the outside of the car one hand on the roof trailing the rim of his coffee cup. "You coming?" he asked and Finn leaned forwards to grin easily at him.

A part of Ross really didn't want to-the part of him that wanted nothing to do with Donna, Marlon, and Moira and Cain…and then there was the other part of him that did want to go home and chill out on his own couch and laugh at this whole things with his brothers.

"Yeah" he said finally "But you need to stop at my mates place so I can pick up my stuff" he ignored the smiles that both Finn and Pete shot each other so he could climb in the passenger seat. Nothing really was fixed but the small village of Emmerdale, Cain, Moira, Aaron and the rest would so learn nothing was as destructive as the Barton Boys together again.

"Let's go home" Finn said as Pete turned the engine on and Ross threw his coffee cup out the window.

And that was exactly what they did.

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><p><span><strong>And Please Let me know what you thought, I eagerly anticipate your reviews x<strong>


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